It really felt like a fever dream, the mysterious lover who I only knew through text and social media posts. I told myself I was delusional and in denial, but somehow I ended up worrying if the text I sent would be the last time she would answer back. Imagining and daydreaming to escape the soul-crushing reality of never knowing when we would go back to normal helped me cope with being in quarantine.

At the same time, I wish I could go back and un-do everything but I don’t know if that would’ve been possible. In the end, I just feel like I’ll never really understand why it ended the way it did and I’ll just have to live with that fact for life. And I think that’s okay.